Sunday, June 13, 2010

:: untitled 4 ::

wow. it has DEFINITELY been a while since i posted on here.
i think i got nervous because i found out that i can see how many times my page has been opened, and well, i was actually expecting something in the teens, only because of a few people that have talked to me about posts or whatnot... so, i knew that people were reading, but satan kind of put in my head that i didn't have anything important to share. or that by sharing something, i would be offending people... or whatever... dumb.dumb.dumb. but. i know that God uses his broken vessels :: lucky for me, that's what i am!

maybe we can have a little catch-me-up in kim's life since the last post or something. but i don't really feel like writing paragraphs, cause, looking at my other posts, my gosh. if i ever wondered if i was wordy, i will wonder no more. if i opened up this blog and saw these huge novels that this crazy person had written, i would just exit right then and there. haha. for real though. if any of y'all actually read through those. you automatically get 5 brownie points, cause i don't think i would have the attention span.

lets see. since i've been home... i realized that i'm very stubborn. i kind of had a relational break down with my parents (last week i think?) where they were so frustrated that i had disappointed them (which, p.s. i would much rather have someone enraged at me than disappointed). basically, my mom kept offering her help to me for like everything, but i took her offers as "kim, you are incapable, therefore, as a 21-year-old, you still need to rely on me"... i was wrong. turns out i do still need help. it was humbling to admit, but, again, as much as i want to be independent, i saw how much my parents, specifically my mom does, and wants to do, to help me. because she doesn't want to see me fail... so. i've been working on embracing rather than rejecting.

i learned that i am much lazier than i thought i was. haha. kinda funny to read, but not so funny after i realize the implications of the laziness... i mean. i always thought i was much more motivated than this. but this summer it's just so tempting to just sit back and enjoy the sun (or the unusually large amounts of thunderstorms KC has been having)

back to the stubbornness thing... i was dead set that RiverTree, my church up in lincoln, NE was the best thing ever. and so whenever i would come home, i hated sundays cause i wouldn't know where to go to church... cause, i just didn't want to go to my parents church cause, it was my parents church. and whenever i went i just felt very critical. well. my heart's been opened and its pretty much just as, if not better than RT (though not in the worship department, RT has got that down pat!)... so. i encourage y'all, if you have made it this far, to follow these sermons on their site... for sure the ones entitled "breaking free, staying free" and "faith is chutzpah" and whatever one is posted from today's sermon... do it. do it i dare you. (p.s. if anyone from the leadership development class is reading this, you'll especially love the sermon from today :: POAB, baby! haha)

here i go again. writing long paragraphs when i promised y'all short ones... maybe its just not in my nature. i tried. really i did. but i just do stream of conscientiousness haha

ive realized :: that watching scary movies alone at night, even if "you're not paying attention cause you're working on art, and its just on for background noise" is a terrible idea, and they are just as scary. and i am still very easily scared.
:: friendships are not disposable. they may not be the easiest thing. but God hasn't call us to live an easy and comfortable life
:: that the kimcam, regardless of how much i love her, always seems to be rebelling against me
:: that i miss tennis... actually. i miss physical activity. who would have EVER thought that i would actually miss coach harms' morning conditionings or weight liftings?
:: sometimes a long drive is just what you need
:: photography outings are fun, but sometimes film cameras can disappoint. i will always appreciate film, but i will always understand why people prefer digital.
:: i am capable of breaking hearts and hurting people. and i hate that.
:: whenever i hear a song that i love, i usually apply it to myself or people or moments. haha if you're looking for specific examples, just ask, i don't feel like making another list. haha
:: that i get nervous which usually makes me run
:: that i don't know anything about baseball
:: i really hate doing laundry
:: that sometimes its really hard not to push someone else's buttons, but self control is something that must be learned.
:: i make messes way too easily, but am getting better about cleaning them up. kind of.
:: that if i want something done, i should do it now rather than waiting, cause otherwise, it just won't happen
:: i stink at mailing things to people, and writing letters... i think i'm compositionally impaired haha
:: that trust and confidence are very hard to gain once its lost, and forgiveness is hard to give -- this isn't always true, and the only way to reverse it is to have your sights set on Christ

i don't really feel like there was a specific point to this post... probably cause i was distracted while writing it (any one surprised? didnt think so.) but hey, that's why i leave things untitled, right?!... well. i'm going to try to get better at writing in here. once a week is my goal. but, keep your fingers crossed...

"in this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. these have some so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" :: 1 peter:1:6-7 ::

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